These days being a mom feels like... stealing a kiss and a hug whenever Carter is near; his legs so long now, bringing him to a height where his cheek meets my mouth when he’s close. I steal those kisses only to be given a sloppy one in return. But I’ll try and savour them, even though he’ll always be my loving guy and, thankfully, won’t outgrow showing his mom his love. He’ll keep his playfulness too, punching me in the car when he sees (or sometimes doesn’t see) a ‘punch buggy’. His knuckles digging a sharp pain into my biceps, but being rubbed out by his open hand when I mutter, ‘ow’. These days being a mom smells like...
hockey.
The stink of hockey hair from a smelly helmet, hockey hands from sweat soaked
gloves, hockey equipment draped in the bathroom downstairs, oozing out the
stench of my boy giving it his all on the ice. His determination, his drive,
his dedication to the sport he loves, drips from him in a sweaty mess. But when he’s showered
after his practises and games, the masculine smell of his shampoo reminds me
that he’s on the verge of becoming a man and I want to slow down time and keep
him close, keep him little, remember back to when I had to go into the dressing
room to tie his skates and help him with his equipment. These days being a mom sounds like...
an
excited, loud girl on the end of a long distance line. A routine conversation
consisting of mostly the same information, the same questions, the same
responses each night we chat. But the anticipation of speaking and connecting
to home is a must, even if it is the same every time.
These days (and all the days of being a mom)... have music in them; dancing with the kids when they were babies and
then toddlers, holding them in my arms and blasting the music. Now, I hold Carter’s
hands and dance with him in the kitchen in an awkward effort to reenact our
dances of years gone by. Carter's got the music in him, his shoulders shimmy when a
funky beat plays on the car radio. His brother belts out the words in his off
tune voice that makes my inner musician cringe. That voice drowns out his sister who carries the tune beautifully and who knows the actual words. As long as we’re sharing music, that's what's important. It is our connection. It is our outlet. It brings laughter
and silliness. We sing like nobody’s listening and dance like nobody’s
watching. These days being a mom means... facing constant challenges and embracing ongoing changes. These days being a mom means... utilizing my fierce determination to get for my kids what they need most. These days being a mom means... celebrating small victories and accepting things as they are. Written Oct.2/17
I remember the colour of the pool that day
when I watched you stand in the shallow end, fall forward, kick your legs and
swing your arms as you swam through the cobalt blue water toward the ladder in the
deep end. The sun glinted off the ripples you made as your body moved
awkwardly, but successfully to keep you afloat and move forward. The air tasted
thick with heat. The green backdrop of our yard and the surrounding trees that
hugged our pool area in a protective, supportive way was fuzzy because my eyes
were hyper-focused on you.
This was the moment we’d all been waiting for. You’d
been working so hard and your bravery and determination would now shine
through. Your giggling laugh risked the possibility of you taking on water as you swam beside
your brother whose encouraging shouts kept you moving. And when you finally
reached the ladder how many times did you climb up and return to the shallow
end splashing back in with an abandonment that sent water all over the slate
grey deck? Once, twice, and on and on to the fifth and sixth ‘lap’ from shallow
to deep waters.
There was no stopping you now that you knew you could do it.
You were a big guy now, just like your brother. The
deep end was yours and you had conquered it. And that’s what is so beautiful
about you. It takes you longer to learn things and to summon up your courage to
try things, but once you’ve got them, you’ve got them! And you do learn.
You do accomplish. You do conquer. It’s just all on your own time, and in your
own way. When given the opportunity you never fail to amaze us.
Oh, how you love the water. It frees you and allows you to be in your own world doing your own thing. Presume competence because competent you are. Look at you go!
